My grandmother Juanita Gonzalez is the matriarch of the family. Nothing gets past her. In the car she plays a game of finding patterns in license plates of passing cars. She matches birthdays, acronyms, and states, constantly building and updating a relational database in her head. One of her favorite activities is crossword puzzles. Now 85 years old, she doesn’t drive as much, or work through a crossword puzzle, but her mind is constantly in action. She still reads off passing signs, and repeats the lines in movies; while the movie is playing. I love watching grandmommy’s mind at work. This past Thanksgiving, I was able to wear a gift that my friend Diana brought to me nearly a year prior. A black t-shirt with “Defy the Rules” in bold letters. Grandmommy picked up on it quickly and, smiling, read it aloud,
“Defy the rules. What rules?”
What I loved is that she didn’t ask in a disapproving way. She was just being inquisitive.
“Any rules you don’t like,” was my first answer. I say “first answer” because each time I passed, she would ask the same question. Eventually, I was thinking of answers before she asked, so I would have something prepared. My mindset was shifting. So now, nearly a month later, I’m ready to give my answer.
Defy The Rules.
There are rules you must accept, and rules to be challenged. The rules you must accept are the ones you believe to be true, valid, and that truth has to extend to everything and everyone. You must be able to defend it when others challenge you. You must believe in it so strongly that you can give a full ear to someone that wishes to convince you otherwise. Once they present their information, you must be able to still believe that the rule should be accepted and followed.
So what to challenge? Everything else.
Challenge every rule that is based on status. Challenge every rule that is based on authority. Challenge every rule that is based on, “Because I say so.” Defy those rules. Ask, “Why?” for everything. To defy doesn’t mean rebelling. It doesn’t mean “Fight the power” or argue blindly. It means to not accept blindly. It means being unafraid to say, “I’m not convinced.” Then be prepared to accept the consequences. When you are willing to do that, then you are willing to grow and reform yourself every day. To invite and open yourself to knowledge, to learning. Now you can be in a position to speak and share in a way that encourages free discussion from others. Follow the rules that you believe in.
So thank you, Diana, for the shirt. Thank you, Grandmommy, for making me justify wearing it.