5 Ways to Improve as a Social Dancer

2.) Listen. It’s been said that we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we talk. Listen to what people say about other dancers, and then see how that can apply to you. Very few people will say “You are a really heavy follower, I don’t like dancing with you.” Or “I don’t like the way you lead, I’m going to avoid dancing with you.” What they will say is:

“I’m going to take a break for a while, we will dance later.”

“Not right now, I’m not feeling this song.”

“I promised someone else this dance”

Or a thousand other ways to weasel out of a dance. Don’t worry about that. Don’t take it personally. That’s not what I actually want you to listen to. I want you to listen to what people say about other people.  If you are a leader, then listen to what followers say after they finish dancing with someone. Just wait on the side of the dance floor.  You will overhear conversations like:

“So how was it?”

“It wasn’t bad, he was a little rough, I hate when guys do that move where they put your hand on their chest every time they hear the word ‘corazon’. He also has greasy fingers, and his breath smelled like garlic”

Now, this can give you 3 tangible things to check up on immediately. How’s your breath? Do you do that move too? Should you wash your hands after eating chicken wings?  You might also hear:

“I can’t believe he kept spinning me, when it’s obvious I can’t turn on this sticky floor. He also kept leading me way too close to that chainsaw juggler…”

Now you have a learning opportunity. Consideration for your partner’s ability. You know that the floor is sticky, had you thought about how that affects the moves that you are doing? There’s a chainsaw juggler on the side of the dance floor. You grew up in the circus, and are comfortable with that, but maybe your partner isn’t. Next dance you will stay closer to the bearded lady.

My point is that you can learn how others are critiqued behind their backs, and look to see if the critiques that are made can apply to you.  Learn from other’s mistakes.  You don’t have to worry about the good things, they will tell you that to your face. Appreciate the compliments, but once again, listen to what they are not saying about your dancing. If you want to be a top follower and every time you dance with someone you hear:

“You really enjoy dancing.”

“Hey, I see you like doing your thing, go ahead girl!”

“That’s a nice haircut.”

But you don’t hear “I really enjoyed that dance with you, you are an awesome follower! I hope we can dance again tonight.” Then read between the lines.  If your goal is to be a great spinner then you want to hear “Wow, you’re a great spinner!” anything else may be a compliment, but it indicates that you haven’t reached the goal…yet.  Pursue your goal fanatically.  This doesn’t mean that you should kick yourself because you wanted to do 4 spins and you always fall after the 3^rd.  You can enjoy social dancing while at the same time improving. In fact, I can’t promise you that hitting a specific goal will make you suddenly enjoy dancing. But what we are discussing is how to make measurable improvements. No one says that reaching the top of Mt Everest will solve all of your problems while bringing you deep internal peace and satisfaction. They will say that you should dress warmly. And bring some oxygen.

Speaking of the tools of the trade, time for the next step: